The beginning

Here I am, at precisely 1:51 AM, typing this out in advance. I have ambitions, but I do not expect them to go anywhere. Still, I am here.
Hello. My name is Astrid Star. I am married to my hoodie. This blog is going to be a patchwork of random shit that I think about everyday. I am here, writing, wrapped in two fluffy blankets, with one earphone in my left ear, which is supposed to be playing music (specifically, Apologise by Timbaland ft. Onerepublic over and over again) but I got too distracted in my writing to put it on.
So here’s a few things you should know about me:
I am under sixteen, but that’s all I’m giving you about my age.
I write.
I’m English (yayyy! *waves flag like depressed minion*)
I am married to my hoodie.
I am becoming a Quora addict.
I’ve had, so far, a happy, shitty, fantastic life all jumbled into one.
I have opinions.
I ain’t afraid to share them.
I am a one post a day kind of girl, from now on.
I am a one picture a week – if that – kind of girl too.
Oh, and, yeah, I’m a girl.

So that’s all you need to know about me for now. So I’m just gonna take this silent earphone out, listen to the nightingales and drift off into a peaceful, hopefully dreamless, sleep.
Update: it is now 2:02 AM.

Update: My sleep was not dreamless.

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Thursday 011

PM: OMG GUYS!!!! I had an awesome dream: Azzy Star Wars: Jungle Edition. Yep. Man, it was cool. I was Luke (*smug smile*) and I was being taught by Obi Wan Kanobi, and there were massive snakes the size of freaking Godzilla. And you could call gods to help you from this stove with loads of pans on it. You just had to tap a stick twice in front of the pan/god you wanted and they’d come help you. There was a pretty fine line between reality and Azzy Star Wars: Jungle Edition though, but I can’t remember the details. But it was so coooool!!!

12:44 AM: hi guys! Researching for my essay (why you should go vegetarian) like crazy with my eyes half closed. Trouble is, I’m only able to actually do things at this time of night when my eyelids are drooping down to my feet and I have to peg them to my hair.
It’s distressing when you think about how much we’re destroying the world. Meat eaters, your average normal person, are indirectly helping to destroy the world. Read: World Peace Diet, Farmageddon. I mean, you’re probably like, “vegetarian bitch. Imma click back to the cat videos. I don’t have to read this” but it’s true. A day’s production of food for an omnivore requires more than four thousand gallons of water, compared to less than three hundred gallons for vegan. But note I say I am a vegetarian, not a vegan. Still, after this book I might well become vegan. I don’t know.

“You’re mine” Laughs Complete And Utter Exhaustion. “And mine” grins Laziness. “And mine too” cackles Malfunction. I lie beneath them, on the cold black floor, eyes half closed, too exhausted to even cry. I give in slowly. Suddenly, there’s movement above me. Screeches echo around, and growling, and I hear Malfunction, Laziness and Complete And Utter Exhaustion being thrown away into the black. “No. She’s mine now” says a voice above me. Sleep. I close my eyes fully as sleep wraps me up in a duvet and gives me a pillow, then signals Dreams and Love to give her a hand in guarding me. The others snarl and slink away, fighting amongst themselves. I sigh, and slip into a restless, fitful sleep.
I think I need to sleep for reals guys. See ya… *yawn*

So sorry for the date mix up I had. I was very tired and it was technically the next day (past midnight) so I got confused :0

Byee

Wednesday 010

9:42 PM: hello all :3 my tenth post… wooo!
Gotta few mins to fill this post up, guys πŸ™ˆ right on schedule as always πŸ™ˆ
Watched the Toy Storys I have. I must admit, I have a soft spot for Toy Story. They’re pretty cool.
Metaphors, metaphors… lemme think. Hmm. Silver… yes, silver.
Imagine you’re a silver ring. You’re tarnished and old because you’ve been left so long. But if somebody just took the time to… well. Wear you. Then you’d shine bright as a diamond. Ooo, diamonds. I’ll do diamonds next blog :3
When you think about it, this is technically my eleventh post… but eh. Details.
I managed to not do any work all day, which is why I’m working like crazy right now to type some input into my blog. Gah.
12:52 AM: it is technically Thursday 011, yet here I am, frantically typing. With a tiny fly crawling on my screen. I am scrabbling furiously round my brain like a rat. It would actually be quite funny if that happened. Not like when I was in a social media haze, and wrote about screaming and smashing things in the empty chasms of my dark brain. I was so happy πŸ™ˆ
Hey, broer. I am aware I have exceeded my deadline for the manifesto essay, but I will try my literal hardest to force myself to actually drag myself out of all the fluffy blankets and do something with my life. I will try. Wish me luck.
What does Darth Vader’s face look like? What kind of person could have created Luke? Luke, the all famous… wait. Jedi? Okay, okay, Star Wars fans, you can throw pillows (or metal weights) at my head for not knowing that πŸ˜‚ but I never really watched it all that much. It’s terrible really, cuz Star Wars is like a rite of passage through childhood, but hey, I’m bad.
Update on My Talking Angela (Maya): when she gets to level fifteen, she will actually listen and repeat what you say. I promise. Plus, funny new interactions. (I’m talking about the Android app)
1:04 AM: *is being dragged along floor of brain, holding a box of possible topics for blog, too tired to look in the box* “I can’t do thiis, it’s do exhaauuustiiing” I groan, glaring at my invisible captor. “Stop iiit, let me goooo” I whimper. “Never. You are coming with me.” Says Exhaustion, who’s voice I recognise even though I can’t see him. The dragging stops. “Huh?” I whine. “Here, take her off my hands” I hear Exhaustion say. “Cool. We’ll have fun together” says a female voice. Oh no. Not… Complete And Utter Exhaustion!? “NOOOOOO” I scream, before I black out.
No idea what that was, but hey. More material.
I have to post now though for reals, before I actually black out πŸ™ˆπŸ˜‚
So sorry; broer. Here, take this – β™₯ – my heart is your heart ;p
See ya guys

Tuesday 09

10:11 PM: whelp… dang it! How have I managed to not write anything all day?! Seriously. I am ashamed.
12:54 AM: just watched the film Delivery Man, if you haven’t seen it you have to see it πŸ˜‚
It’s not as late as I thought, so I still have time to post :3
Silence Is Goldfish, too. You gotta read it :3
I got another metaphor for you: fire sparks. They’re relationships. Some last longer than others, and some make fires. Some die out. Which then goes on to make the other metaphor: fire itself. Which is sometimes linked with water… which is linked with sand. It’s all connected.
And another, I used this once in a story I started writing (and abandoned): a crystal.
You are a crystal. Pure, clear, colourful, but sometimes you hide. The frosty edges are your secrets and your flaws. And you can be beaten into sand. Which equals water which equals fire which equals fire sparks. Connections!
I’m glass. Colourful, sometimes dull. Sharp, and often thrown away. But it can be used to make beautiful things. But so often, it smashes when it’s finally complete… and water can wear it away, make it frosted and dull.
Damn, I am full of these frickin metaphors lately!
You know where the traditional heart symbol (β™₯) comes from? Two anatomical hearts put together. It’s pretty cute really. If I was better at drawing, that’s what I would draw.
“You may not be a lion, Tess. That’s fine. Neither am I. But just because we can’t roar, it doesn’t mean we should hide ourselves away…” I love that quote. It’s from Silence Is Goldfish πŸ™‚
Eating Pringles like a zombie. I kinda need sleep. But eh.

Sometimes I miss my past relationships. It’s screwed up really, how much we… I,Β miss the one who told me what I wanted to hear. In fact, that’s more than screwed up. When you’re my age, people will tell you “You’re too young to know what love is” and my parents constantly point out that I never really had relationships because they were online. But that’s just not how it works. And we know what love is. I’m speaking for my generation here, when I say, we know what love is. And online relationships don’t seem real to you. And cyber bullying doesn’t seem real to you. But it still freaking hurts. And it still feels real. So please. How can you expect us to have respect for our elders if they, you, have no respect for us?

Metaphor Poem:

Sand, slipping through my hands.
Water, it cannot be tamed.
Pebbles, things the ocean beat against.
Fire, most beautiful in the dark.
The sparks of the fire, blowing away.
A crystal, frosted around the edges.
Glass, colourful and sharp.
This is the chaos inside my heart.

Gonna post. Night guys! Or good morning, whatever your timezone πŸ™‚

I must apologise for Tuesday 09 being posted on Wednesday 10 :0 please excuse my wantonness πŸ˜‰

Monday 08, week 02

12:44 PM: the sky is pure, undisputed blue. My stomach is miraculously stable and healed. The only downside is that I have to do homework, but hey. Can’t have all the things, can you? Some might say everything, but I’m not some, so I am mysterious, with my own language…
12:47 PM: I had a dream that me and my family visited these “gay people who aren’t actually gay” which was weird. But they were really fun, albeit breaking all the rules that define being gay by being the opposite sex, but eh. Rules are boring πŸ˜‚
12:50 PM: homework, homework, burn and die… why do I need to know all the US states, I mean.. just… agh!
6:37 PM: distracted by my Greek mythology assignment, I have failed to produce material. Waah.

Smile at everything. It confuses people πŸ™‚
In the grand scale of things, we’re all just aphids. Tiny, compared to the universe. It’s comforting in a way. I know, I know, “Why the hell does feeling small comfort you!?” But it just does.
I’m sorry, guys. My ambitious nature is slipping through my fingers like grains of sand. That’s such a metaphor. Sand. It takes years to form, be ground down, then when you try to pick it up and look at it it escapes through the gaps between your fingers and you can’t stop it and close them, no matter how hard you try. The same goes for water. But they’re different. Like, a long, great relationship or life is sand. But water… water is a one night stand. Water is a day alive. Water is five seconds, then it’s gone.
Fire is best used to describe me. Prettiest in the dark, warm. Can die down to a few embers and still flare up. Can be so sudden. Can be fast, or slow. It makes distress almost everywhere it goes. But water can kill it. And sometimes it can’t. Sometimes it’s strong.
What else can be used as a metaphor… hmm. We’ve got sand, water, fire… ah. Stones. Pebbles.
We’re all pebbles on a beach. Every year, even every day, a little more of us is worn away. Some of us are small, some are big. Some are weak, some are strong. But eventually we’re all beaten into sand.
And candles. We’re also candles. We burn and burn and burn until our wick runs out, then all that’s left is either nothing, or a whole lotta wax. A candle burned away completely is a fully lived life. A candle only half burnt… well. You know.
Maybe there were humans when the dinosaurs existed, but we died out along with the dinos and aliens took our remains away for some weird reason. Maybe to make necklaces out of our bones and our teeth.
Maybe people tamed all the great monsters that existed back then, like the Mosasaurus or Dunkleostus. I can just imagine a cave man coming along like “imma ride you” (that sounds so wrong) and got eaten. Then they digested our bones. And never shat them out πŸ˜‚πŸ™ˆ
Has anyone who’s reading this ever seen that tv series or whatever it was, Ancient Aliens? It makes some pretty good points. Always leaves me in a hypnotised state, kinda like that time I saw a tv show on life on Mars and/or visiting it. My eyes went like flying saucers… ironic really.
You know that song called “Street life” (at least, I think that’s what it’s called), well, me and my mum always thought that she said “streetlight” and still stubbornly sing that to this day πŸ˜‚
Fun fact: my favourite classic is White Fang. I lurve that book.

Gonna post now πŸ˜€ enjoy the endless metaphors and existentialism πŸ˜„

Btw, thank you toΒ https://ecoseasons.net for the follow and the likes πŸ™‚ everyone go check the blog out :3

See ya

Sunday 07

10:59 PM:
Minnows

Little minnows,
Swimming past me
Toward an unknown fate, they swim
Too small for humans to eat,
Too plain for little children,
Just little minnows
Swimming away
Toward an unknown fate.

Kay, so that was a tiny poem. No idea where that came from, but I saw some minnows in the sea today, so I guess maybe my inspiration is from that. And yes, although I haven’t written any poems here before, I write them a lot. So keep your eyes open!

Having been ill and sentenced to death (okay, one day a week on the internet) by my parents, I am not a happy bunny πŸ™ˆ but I bargained with my dad to let me keep my blog, so there’s one good thing!
*sigh* I gotta say, there’s not many days out there when you get sick, feel like a massive mosquito bite, have your favourite tree half cut down and get your internet taken away. Still, I guess it could be a lot a worse. At least I have my music.
I would say I’ve been acting genuinely weirdly. But hey, drawing pictures of limp hands held by others is completely normal. Right? Right? Wait, why are you guys walking away? Come back!
What can I say, I’m sick πŸ˜‚πŸ™ˆ
Damn, I have not written much today. Sorry guys :0
Tomorrow I will be feeling better πŸ™‚ so I’ll have a lot more material :3

A lot could be worse than this, so don’t worry about me

Love ya broer,

Speak tomozzarella
Gonna post now, see ya πŸ™‚ ❀

Saturday 06

Some time around midnight, a teenager has an ‘Existential Flying Moment’ out of the blue…..

“Alive, buoyant, confident, content, happy, peaceful. ” That’s me right now. It takes a lot to get me like this. In my normal state, I like to call myself ‘The Moody Teenager Of Doom’ – which is basically normal teenager. But right now I feel like I could fly. It’s pretty awesome. At this point in time, I am seriously considering not posting this, because it’s just… downright cringey. But I feel so weird. Connected to everything, and something bigger than myself, but from a distance. To define this better, here’s an analogy:

You are sitting on a chair in front of a transparent glass wall. Behind it, there’s a rainforest. It’s beautiful. You feel completely connected to it, and alive. Feel the heartbeat of a jaguar, the beat of a hummingbird’s wings. (Afterthought: wait, are there hummingbirds in rainforests?!). And you feel like you could shatter the glass at a touch, but when you touch it, it’s cold and solid. Yet, fragile.

That’s me. Right now. Still, it’s easily destroyed. If one if my parents ripped out an earphone and yelled something (“GO TO BED”) at me (well, spoke in a neutral tone. But from this mindset, a whisper from another human is a foghorn), it would be pretty ruined. But I hope they don’t do that!
I also kind of hope that I find the courage to post this.
The particular ‘Existential Flying Moment’ writing and mood above was provoked by https://triciabarkernde.com who I found through https://otvmagazine.com -which I am eternally grateful for, because I love feeling like that.
I remember when my friends (definition: twenty-thirty something year olds) were doing this thing with my dad, I got a bit of the feeling described above. Here was what they did:
One of them sat on a chair. Two others stood on each side of him. They put their hands on top of his head, and applied the slightest pressure. Not like pushing him down into the chair, but just a little. And all of them closed their eyes and just sent energy into each other for about three minutes or so. We had the radio on, and it actually interfered with the waves. So, after the few minutes, they let go. On one side, one guy would put a finger under the guy on the chair’s armpit, and with the other hand, a finger under his knee. The one on the other side would do the same. And then, just like that, they could lift him up. Just like a feather. They had to put him down after a few seconds, but it was amazing. I was in awe. The look of pure astonishment on the face of the guy when they lifted him up was priceless. And I wanted to join in, to be lifted up too, to get experience that moment of amazement. But I stayed in my chair and laughed and shook my head. This is the perfect depiction of who I am – the sideline girl. By choice, nonetheless. Still, what we were talking about is the ‘Existential Flying Moment’ (I was writing this and my brother texted me and I told him that was what I was having), which is a pretty insane feeling for me to have. Because like I said, I am a teenager, in this generation.

1:31 AM: I am in bed. I tried meditating, however, I did this with my music in my ears (it’s a myth you can’t do it with music) and this made me laugh so much because a Guns’n’Roses song came on… I mean, come on. It’s impossible not to laugh at that πŸ˜‚

12:17 PM: I am back to my normal self now! Just killed a mosquito that had been feasting on me all night (bites on the jaw, finger, arm, leg, leg again) and am satisfied. Though, extremely hungry.

9:45 PM: at least, one of the good things about my ‘Existential Flying Moment’ is that I have some material for today’s post πŸ˜‚
For those of you who liked my ant story, I’m thinking about doing a short sequel ;p so tell me what you think πŸ˜‚

It’s so great, those moments when your music is playing in your earphones, and its turned up just loud enough so you can’t hear anyone else, and you’re just in a zone. It’s great.

I just realised…. (if your name is Anastasia, please don’t read any further)
The name Anastasia sounds like anesthesia. This is terrible. I am SO sorry I’ve ruined this name but seriously, that’s what it sounds like! It used to be my favourite name though, so maybe that makes it better? (I say used to because my favourite name changes every day)

Okay, I’ve decided my ‘Existential Flying Moment’ isn’t too cringey to post. So DONT JUDGE ME!!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ™ˆ
At this point, unfortunately, you have probably already clicked back to the cat videos. *cries*
Just for the record, you need to listen to this song: Pocket Full Of Stars by Nine Black Alps. It’s one of my (many) favourite songs in the world. Which vary widely from Guns’n’Roses to Culture Club. Actually, here’s a list of the main (currently) ones:

Paris – The Chainsmokers
Welcome To Paradise – Greenday
Apologise – Timbaland ft. Onerepublic (gimme an O, gimme an N – just kidding!)

Counting Stars – Onerepublic

Secrets – Onerepublic

Good Life – Onerepublic

Still – Ben Folds
Rockin’ The Suburbs – Ben Folds ft. William Shatner
Doubt – Twenty One Pilots
Welcome To The Jungle – Guns’n’Roses
Drive – Incubus
Ride – Twenty One Pilots

And a few more which I’ll list at a later date! But yah. Broer, do not judge me. Your suster has different taste than you πŸ˜‚
Think I’ll post now. See ya!

960 words!? My God…

Friday 05

12:49 AM: storming through Angry Birds Space levels with my eyes half closed. I am so tired! This is out of character for me πŸ˜‚ but you may have gathered that already by the beginnings of my posts πŸ™ˆ
1:05 AM: and now, sleep.
7:33 AM: for some reason I just woke up, so before I sleep some more, hi!

12:53 PM: I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!! MY BLOG COMES UP IN THE SEARCH ENGINE NOW!!!! OMG!!!
This makes me so happy omg πŸ™ˆπŸ˜‚πŸ˜„
Whoever made this happen, thank you!!
Did you know:
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star was composed by Mozart when he was five years old! The legendary freakin lullaby! I hope you feel humbled πŸ˜‚ check out this website: https://www.snapple.com/real-facts/213 for more slightly useless but amusing and/or amazing facts πŸ˜€

8:00 PM: skating was AWESOME!! I haven’t skated in ages and it was awesome, plus ice cream (mint chocolate of course) and was able to paddle in the sea πŸ˜„ so that was great!

If anyone gets time, they should look at this blog: http://www.doyouthinkso.com – it’s the best πŸ˜„ my favourite post is The Tulip Dream πŸ˜‚

9:24 PM: well shiiit! Yet again I have failed you guys!

9:31 AM: To make up for it I wrote you guys this:

The Anatomy Of A Lost Ant

The grass is so tall, I think, watching the other ants working among it. They’re not from my colony, in fact, my colony is very far away from me. My ma sent me away as soon as they started recruiting army ants. She didn’t want me hurt, she said. I was meant to go to a training course at South Cloverfields, but I took the other road. My grandpa once said “If you are lost, you must wander.” And so I have. So I do. I turn to Lottie, the ladybird next to me, and ask her, “Shall we go?” She smiles and says goodbye to the ant she is talking to, and we fetch Monty (a mantis we found in Cliffstershire) and head towards the sun.
Hmm. Not sure about it, but eh! Tell me what you think πŸ˜‚

10:29 PM: I’ll post now πŸ™‚ I look forward to posting tomorrow!

Thursday 04

20170413_154903
This blog is short (again!) because I spent the day here :0

1:45 AM: Β I am soΒ tired. I think I shall sleep. I’ll keep you updated, as I have a cramp around my rib area which may not be pleasant to sleep with :0
7:50 PM I am officially useless. Yet another day of no material, because I spent it lounging around on the beach! I now have until before midnight to fill this post with writing. Gah. I’m never gonna make it out the dark, am I?
When I had unlimited wifi the other day, (I have freakin hiccups right now so I can’t eat my food) I got the app Talking Angela. I know, I know. But I wanted to see what all the fuss was about! It’s actually not that bad an app. In my case of course, it’s Talking Maya. And she doesn’t talk – yet? Anyways, try it out! (Spoiler: if you tap her face, it’s great for anger management)

9:31 PM: my favourite book, by far, in the world, is Our Chemical Hearts by Krystal Sutherland. I can’t even find words to describe it. It’s just frickin amazing.

We all have those years in our life where we take things for granted. And we either learn the easy way or the hard way. It took a long time for me to learn. My cat had to be put down on the 25th of April 2016. And from then, my life and mental state (and I say state, not health) went completely downhill. I turned to social media. I got into bad relationships and made dodgy friends, and I was addicted. It took me a year and a half to wrench myself away from it. And even longer to get rid of the last relationship. And from there, things went up and down. But I started loving more. It sounds completely and utterly frickin clichΓ© and I can’t believe I’m writing this, but there you go. But I always make sure the last thing I say to my family and pets (none of my friends are that close to me) is “I love you.” And yes, it’s really cringey. But I’m afraid I’ll lose them, and there’s no point in not saying the truth. So, that’s my clichΓ© story. I’d say comment yours but the only person who sees this is my brother, it’s not very popular! (Thank you, broer :p)

Gonna post now. I am SO SOWY!!! I will take my phone with me tomorrow (skating) and try to write when I can – I must confess I am never normally this busy!

The photo is for you guys (hi again, brother!) To compensate for the lack of material.

(The lack of material being 454 words)

Wednesday 03

2:37 AM: my kindle, which has been breaking records by remaining alive with 0% battery for about… ten to fifteen minutes, just died. RIP.
I will now continue to sip cranberry juice like a serial killer and continue YouTubing.
4:33 AM: I need to see a psychiatrist XD I have literally spent the whole day and half the night watching videos about rats… yes, rats. Now I’m hungry and I can’t get back to sleep :’D
4:35 AM: sleep is my mission. I will report back to you.
11:28 AM: a monster groans and shifts around under the duvet. You guessed it, that’s me.
Temple Run Two, Lost Jungle, I hate you. I am just leaving wifi and you have to decide to frickin download the game on program as well as in the appstore!!!Β (Afterthought: it is a pretty good game)
5:11 PM: there is nothing else like the euphoric feeling you get after a rampage of clothes shopping. And also nothing else like those baggy hippy trousers. You know the ones? Day time pyjamas. Heavenly.
6:31 PM: yet again, I am listening to my favourite song. It’s too late to poltergeist. It is most definitely too late to poltergeist.
I’m soo sorry I haven’t written much today, I know I promised I would, but I spent all day clothes shopping and didn’t take my phone, and I haven’t even thought about much πŸ™ˆ
Tomorrow, I won’t be so busy and I’ll have plenty of time to dwell on things and surf on Quora πŸ™‚ So yah, tomozz ;p
Imagine that, suddenly, internet disappeared… it would wreak havoc on social media – oh wait! No it wouldn’t :’D it would be horrific though.

One tip for ya: never, ever,Β wear jeans if you’re going clothes shopping. Cuz you’re gonna have to try clothes on frequently, and in my opinion, it is not pleasant to go in a changing room and have to peel off my jeans every time. Of course, maybe your jeans aren’t as tight as mine were, but still. Just don’t do it.

Some people are just lucky. You know that one friend or family member you have that is the golden person? That’s the kind I mean. My dad is one of the blessed people. Him and my mum used to play Scrabble a lot, and they used to pick tiles for each other to demonstrate how blessed he was :’D

Gonna post this now. Tomorrow, I promiseΒ I’ll write more πŸ™‚
Ciao!

If you read it all and didn’t click away in disgust, thank you do much πŸ™‚

Tuesday 02

1:16 AM. I have decided that time and life is unfair. Here is my average day:
I get up.
I spend the whole day waking up.
By 1:00 AM I am fully awake.
Which is when my parents go to bed and turn the internet off.
Not fair!!!

I swear. The weekends when I am free, in the future, will go like this:
Saturday:
Sleep all day.
Wake up at night.
Snuggle into a hoodie whilst eating and gaming.
Play with my pet rats.
Sleep.
Sunday:
Wake up.
Cry.
Moan.
Eat.
Sleep.
Play with rats.
Cry.
Snuggle into a hoodie.
Game.
Sleep.
Cry.

Haha, you thought I was serious?! Nah, for reals, I’ll just sleep. All the time.
Do you think anyone in the world could make Donald J Trump a respectable name again? I mean, imagine a beautiful guy comes along with that name, who’s a really nice person… would you give him a chance?
One fact about me:
I ditched social media because it was ruining my life. Now? I’m happy again, relatively. Specifically, my arch nemesis was Instagram. Damn, did that app drag me down. Not only down, but into abusive relationships as well. Real life – or just sticking to Quora, Whatsapp and WordPress – is so much better. Thank you to the very special people that taught me that. I owe you everything ❀
1:44 AM… one lyric going around in my mind:
“Until my sleeves are stained red, from all the truth I ‘ave said”
1:46 AM…. pondering sleeping. And life.
The future seems pretty scary until you start planning it out. Then when it’s planned, it gives you a sense of purpose. And you’re not scared anymore…. that is, until your mother undermines everything with one sentence (like that God with the heel… Achilles? ) like “But this could happen *insert disaster here*” – aaand, fuck. Dead. Possibly-called-Achilles, you miserable failure, finally I understand you.
1:52 AM: must go to bed and ponder existence there.
2:08 AM: I am now going to attempt sleep. Farewell.

11:49 AM: “Can you turn the internet on?” A whiny voice asks. Yep, you guessed it, that’s me.
Maybe we are all just a phoenix. At some point in our life, we have to rise from the ashes. We start out as humans. Then life burns us down like candles. And when all that’s left is ashes, we have two choices: stay inside the egg, crying, or fight your way out and rise. And sometimes, we just need a little help.
I may be staying the night somewhere I have unlimited internet and wasting life away on YouTube….
Gonna be a short blog, sorry guys :/ I’ll have more time tomorrow!