Saturday 06

Some time around midnight, a teenager has an ‘Existential Flying Moment’ out of the blue…..

“Alive, buoyant, confident, content, happy, peaceful. ” That’s me right now. It takes a lot to get me like this. In my normal state, I like to call myself ‘The Moody Teenager Of Doom’ – which is basically normal teenager. But right now I feel like I could fly. It’s pretty awesome. At this point in time, I am seriously considering not posting this, because it’s just… downright cringey. But I feel so weird. Connected to everything, and something bigger than myself, but from a distance. To define this better, here’s an analogy:

You are sitting on a chair in front of a transparent glass wall. Behind it, there’s a rainforest. It’s beautiful. You feel completely connected to it, and alive. Feel the heartbeat of a jaguar, the beat of a hummingbird’s wings. (Afterthought: wait, are there hummingbirds in rainforests?!). And you feel like you could shatter the glass at a touch, but when you touch it, it’s cold and solid. Yet, fragile.

That’s me. Right now. Still, it’s easily destroyed. If one if my parents ripped out an earphone and yelled something (“GO TO BED”) at me (well, spoke in a neutral tone. But from this mindset, a whisper from another human is a foghorn), it would be pretty ruined. But I hope they don’t do that!
I also kind of hope that I find the courage to post this.
The particular ‘Existential Flying Moment’ writing and mood above was provoked by https://triciabarkernde.com who I found through https://otvmagazine.com -which I am eternally grateful for, because I love feeling like that.
I remember when my friends (definition: twenty-thirty something year olds) were doing this thing with my dad, I got a bit of the feeling described above. Here was what they did:
One of them sat on a chair. Two others stood on each side of him. They put their hands on top of his head, and applied the slightest pressure. Not like pushing him down into the chair, but just a little. And all of them closed their eyes and just sent energy into each other for about three minutes or so. We had the radio on, and it actually interfered with the waves. So, after the few minutes, they let go. On one side, one guy would put a finger under the guy on the chair’s armpit, and with the other hand, a finger under his knee. The one on the other side would do the same. And then, just like that, they could lift him up. Just like a feather. They had to put him down after a few seconds, but it was amazing. I was in awe. The look of pure astonishment on the face of the guy when they lifted him up was priceless. And I wanted to join in, to be lifted up too, to get experience that moment of amazement. But I stayed in my chair and laughed and shook my head. This is the perfect depiction of who I am – the sideline girl. By choice, nonetheless. Still, what we were talking about is the ‘Existential Flying Moment’ (I was writing this and my brother texted me and I told him that was what I was having), which is a pretty insane feeling for me to have. Because like I said, I am a teenager, in this generation.

1:31 AM: I am in bed. I tried meditating, however, I did this with my music in my ears (it’s a myth you can’t do it with music) and this made me laugh so much because a Guns’n’Roses song came on… I mean, come on. It’s impossible not to laugh at that πŸ˜‚

12:17 PM: I am back to my normal self now! Just killed a mosquito that had been feasting on me all night (bites on the jaw, finger, arm, leg, leg again) and am satisfied. Though, extremely hungry.

9:45 PM: at least, one of the good things about my ‘Existential Flying Moment’ is that I have some material for today’s post πŸ˜‚
For those of you who liked my ant story, I’m thinking about doing a short sequel ;p so tell me what you think πŸ˜‚

It’s so great, those moments when your music is playing in your earphones, and its turned up just loud enough so you can’t hear anyone else, and you’re just in a zone. It’s great.

I just realised…. (if your name is Anastasia, please don’t read any further)
The name Anastasia sounds like anesthesia. This is terrible. I am SO sorry I’ve ruined this name but seriously, that’s what it sounds like! It used to be my favourite name though, so maybe that makes it better? (I say used to because my favourite name changes every day)

Okay, I’ve decided my ‘Existential Flying Moment’ isn’t too cringey to post. So DONT JUDGE ME!!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ™ˆ
At this point, unfortunately, you have probably already clicked back to the cat videos. *cries*
Just for the record, you need to listen to this song: Pocket Full Of Stars by Nine Black Alps. It’s one of my (many) favourite songs in the world. Which vary widely from Guns’n’Roses to Culture Club. Actually, here’s a list of the main (currently) ones:

Paris – The Chainsmokers
Welcome To Paradise – Greenday
Apologise – Timbaland ft. Onerepublic (gimme an O, gimme an N – just kidding!)

Counting Stars – Onerepublic

Secrets – Onerepublic

Good Life – Onerepublic

Still – Ben Folds
Rockin’ The Suburbs – Ben Folds ft. William Shatner
Doubt – Twenty One Pilots
Welcome To The Jungle – Guns’n’Roses
Drive – Incubus
Ride – Twenty One Pilots

And a few more which I’ll list at a later date! But yah. Broer, do not judge me. Your suster has different taste than you πŸ˜‚
Think I’ll post now. See ya!

960 words!? My God…

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